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Love and Sex
The (real) secret to hot sex
It has little to do with the body and everything to do with the mind. A sex therapist shares what he's learned
Looking for the hot new position that will transform your sex life? The bedroom technique that will bring ultimate satisfaction? Look no further.
Not that sex therapist Marty Klein is actually selling any of those things — but his new book, “Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get It,” offers something better: an alternative to chasing that erotic mirage. His message is antithetical to the sex advice found everywhere from self-help books to the supermarket checkout line: The secret to a fulfilling sex life is mental, not physical.
It isn’t the sexiest directive, but it might actually get you somewhere. Klein has drawn on more than 30 years of counseling experience for this smart handbook on how to develop what he calls “Sexual Intelligence,” which he describes as the thing that “gets you from hormone-driven sex to sex you choose,” “from ‘sex has to validate me’ to ‘I validate my sexuality.’” The challenge here is to let go of notions of what “successful” and “normal” sex looks and feels like. The reward is a sex life where “failure” is virtually impossible.
Not that sex therapist Marty Klein is actually selling any of those things — but his new book, “Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get It,” offers something better: an alternative to chasing that erotic mirage. His message is antithetical to the sex advice found everywhere from self-help books to the supermarket checkout line: The secret to a fulfilling sex life is mental, not physical.
It isn’t the sexiest directive, but it might actually get you somewhere. Klein has drawn on more than 30 years of counseling experience for this smart handbook on how to develop what he calls “Sexual Intelligence,” which he describes as the thing that “gets you from hormone-driven sex to sex you choose,” “from ‘sex has to validate me’ to ‘I validate my sexuality.’” The challenge here is to let go of notions of what “successful” and “normal” sex looks and feels like. The reward is a sex life where “failure” is virtually impossible.
Salon spoke to Klein by phone from his office in Palo Alto, Calif., about why so many sexual problems can be blamed on idealizing sex and our bodies as they were in our youth.
What is it, based on your experience with clients, that people most want from sex?
Well, if you ask people what they want from sex, they say some vague thing — some combination of “pleasure” and “closeness.” But while a lot of people say that, I find from my practice that what a lot of people really want is emotional satisfaction; sometimes it has to do with the connection with their partner and sometimes it has to do with their own sense of themselves. What a lot of people want from sex is to feel youthful, graceful, manly, normal, adequate or competent.
What should we expect from sex? What expectations are more realistic and more likely to bring actual satisfaction?
Well, partly that depends on what people are willing to put into it. You could say, “What’s realistic to expect from a meal?” and if you have very little in the refrigerator and you only spend five minutes cooking and you don’t have a decent pot or pan and you’re talking on the phone while you’re doing it and not paying attention, it’s unrealistic to expect a gourmet or satisfying meal. On the other hand, if you put enough time and effort and care into it, it’s not unrealistic to expect a good dining experience.
So, when it comes to sex, clearly it’s unrealistic in long-term relationships to expect the kind of heat and desire and passion that we typically experience in the early days of a relationship and in our youth. One of the reasons that grown-ups in long-term relationships don’t have much sex is they’re waiting to feel incredibly horny. What’s more realistic to expect from sex, if you put some effort into it, is to feel connected with somebody, to feel a sense of ownership of your body, a sense of a vacation from real life for half an hour. What’s not reasonable to expect is that sex at 45, with the same person you’ve been with for 10 years is the same as sex was at 25 when you were first getting to know somebody.
Why is it so hard to move away from that ideal of sex as it was in our 20s?
I have a few answers for that. One is that we live in a youth-obsessed culture where whatever our experience is in young adulthood, we assume that’s the best experience. So, we don’t prepare for a different experience and we don’t envision a different experience and we don’t want a different experience. If we experience the transition from adolescence to young adulthood as a dreadful loss of the best that life has to offer, then we’re not going to ask ourselves, “OK, how do I make sex at 35 the best sex of my life?” Most people are saying, “How do I make sex at 35 as near to what it was at 20?”
Most of us develop our vision of sexuality between 15 and 20. At that time we have a very particular kind of body: it’s young, it’s healthy, it’s flexible, it’s conventionally attractive. And so we associate that body and that body’s abilities with good sex. We say that good sex is the kind of sex you can have if you’ve had five margaritas, or you can have good sex when someone has a face without any lines on it.
The model of sexuality that we develop between 15 and 20, it just doesn’t work for us when we have the body of a 47-year-old, when you have to take ibuprofen an hour before you have sex. There’s also a different emotional and psychological context. There’s a different ecology. You have responsibilities, you don’t have a lot of time to kill, you have to wake up early the next morning, you have children you don’t want to wake up when you’re having sex. When we’re young, we don’t have to develop the skill of planning for sex, of being patient, of waiting for when it’s going to be the right time.
They want spontaneity.
Well, you know? You can’t have that. How many 40-year-olds who have any sort of a life do anything spontaneously? I mean, look at you and I, we wanted to have a conversation and we had to plan it. We didn’t say, you know, when you’re in the mood, give me a call.
This yearning for spontaneity is so poignant, because what people are really saying is, ” I yearn for the uncomplicated life that I used to have where sexuality was at my disposal 24 hours a day, rain or shine.”
You also write about how a lack of desire is a major concern for most of your clients —
Most couples, when one or both of them don’t feel incredibly horny, they think of that as something that only one of them is going to fix. “You lose weight and that will make me more horny” or “I’ll have fantasies or come up with a new position and that will make me more horny.” They don’t talk about it as a couple. The couple needs to sign up for it together — but that requires them to talk honestly about sex. Most couples would rather chew glass than talk honestly with each other about sex. They’re willing to say things like, “I wish you’d lose weight, I wish you didn’t bring work home, you’re always on the phone with your mother,” but most are not willing to say, “I used to have more desire for you than I have now, do you want to work with me to do something about that?”
Why is that? Obviously, there’s the desire to not hurt your partner’s feelings, but it also seems there’s more there.
I wouldn’t be quite so generous. I think it’s more like, “I don’t want to say these things to you because I don’t want to hear them from you.”
So, we’re afraid of having these conversations because if we start being honest with our partner, they might start being honest with us, and that might validate our deepest insecurities?
I think that’s part of it. I think people are afraid that if they start talking honestly about sex, they’re going to be opening Pandora’s box. I also think that not everybody has the vocabulary, not everybody can say exactly what they want or how they feel. A lot of people find it easier to say, “You did something wrong,” rather than to say, “Let me tell you how that felt to me.” Instead of saying, “You’re frigid” or “You’re too kinky,” you say, “I feel unattractive” or “it’s not that I don’t like oral sex, it’s just that whenever you’re going down on me I feel so exposed, I feel so foolish.” If only people would talk more about feeling foolish in bed, rather than what the other person is doing wrong. A lot of people talk about what’s wrong with sex, like sex did something wrong. When people say that in the office, I say, “Well, rather than telling me what’s wrong with sex, why don’t you tell me how you feel?”
Why is it that the typical self-help approaches don’t work when it come to sex? Why isn’t it as simply as the ten hot new moves you need to try tonight?
Let’s compare it to something else — say you want to take care of your health. What we know is that articles like “five ways to burn fat better” just don’t work. There’s a step before that and that’s creating the emotional environment in which people can take advantage of that information. For most people, the emotional environment for taking advantage of those “hot new moves” just isn’t there. People aren’t up to what moves they should do, they’re stuck thinking, “I’m afraid that if we have sex with the lights on he’s gonna think that my butt is too big.” If someone is stuck on “My penis is the most important thing that I bring to sex,” then talking to them about what to do with this finger or that hand or this foot is just pointless. But that’s what self-help books focus on constantly when it comes to sex: what to do with your body.
Obviously, there is so much bodily insecurity going around — how do you even start toward that point of feeling sexy in your own skin?
Part of it is getting the idea that it is possible to detach how you look from how you feel and that sexiness is not a product of what your body looks like from the outside, that sexiness is a product of how you feel on the inside. Part of it is acknowledging that somebody somewhere has the ability to feel sexy independent of how they look on the outside. We have to get the concept that it’s possible for some people to feel sexy based on what’s on the inside rather than what’s on the outside. From there it’s a question of a person tuning into what do I have to offer somebody else sexually, and what do I have to offer myself sexually? If a person enjoys kissing a lot, regardless of what they look like they could say to themselves, well, that’s part of what makes me sexy.
You write so much in the book about how people worry about being sexual normal. What is sexually normal?
Most people who want to know what’s sexually normal, they’re not going to use that information in a wholesome way. Most people want to know what’s sexually normal so that they can compare themselves or their mate to that standard. If I say 80 percent of 30-year-olds have oral sex at least once a month, somebody’s gonna compare themselves to that and say, “What’s wrong with me that I don’t do that?” Or they’re going to look at their mate and say, “What’s wrong with you?”
Now if you want to know what’s statistically common when it come to sex, as I say in the book, it’s that people have sex when they’re tired and when they feel self-conscious about their bodies.
What is it, based on your experience with clients, that people most want from sex?
Well, if you ask people what they want from sex, they say some vague thing — some combination of “pleasure” and “closeness.” But while a lot of people say that, I find from my practice that what a lot of people really want is emotional satisfaction; sometimes it has to do with the connection with their partner and sometimes it has to do with their own sense of themselves. What a lot of people want from sex is to feel youthful, graceful, manly, normal, adequate or competent.
What should we expect from sex? What expectations are more realistic and more likely to bring actual satisfaction?
Well, partly that depends on what people are willing to put into it. You could say, “What’s realistic to expect from a meal?” and if you have very little in the refrigerator and you only spend five minutes cooking and you don’t have a decent pot or pan and you’re talking on the phone while you’re doing it and not paying attention, it’s unrealistic to expect a gourmet or satisfying meal. On the other hand, if you put enough time and effort and care into it, it’s not unrealistic to expect a good dining experience.
So, when it comes to sex, clearly it’s unrealistic in long-term relationships to expect the kind of heat and desire and passion that we typically experience in the early days of a relationship and in our youth. One of the reasons that grown-ups in long-term relationships don’t have much sex is they’re waiting to feel incredibly horny. What’s more realistic to expect from sex, if you put some effort into it, is to feel connected with somebody, to feel a sense of ownership of your body, a sense of a vacation from real life for half an hour. What’s not reasonable to expect is that sex at 45, with the same person you’ve been with for 10 years is the same as sex was at 25 when you were first getting to know somebody.
Why is it so hard to move away from that ideal of sex as it was in our 20s?
I have a few answers for that. One is that we live in a youth-obsessed culture where whatever our experience is in young adulthood, we assume that’s the best experience. So, we don’t prepare for a different experience and we don’t envision a different experience and we don’t want a different experience. If we experience the transition from adolescence to young adulthood as a dreadful loss of the best that life has to offer, then we’re not going to ask ourselves, “OK, how do I make sex at 35 the best sex of my life?” Most people are saying, “How do I make sex at 35 as near to what it was at 20?”
Most of us develop our vision of sexuality between 15 and 20. At that time we have a very particular kind of body: it’s young, it’s healthy, it’s flexible, it’s conventionally attractive. And so we associate that body and that body’s abilities with good sex. We say that good sex is the kind of sex you can have if you’ve had five margaritas, or you can have good sex when someone has a face without any lines on it.
The model of sexuality that we develop between 15 and 20, it just doesn’t work for us when we have the body of a 47-year-old, when you have to take ibuprofen an hour before you have sex. There’s also a different emotional and psychological context. There’s a different ecology. You have responsibilities, you don’t have a lot of time to kill, you have to wake up early the next morning, you have children you don’t want to wake up when you’re having sex. When we’re young, we don’t have to develop the skill of planning for sex, of being patient, of waiting for when it’s going to be the right time.
They want spontaneity.
Well, you know? You can’t have that. How many 40-year-olds who have any sort of a life do anything spontaneously? I mean, look at you and I, we wanted to have a conversation and we had to plan it. We didn’t say, you know, when you’re in the mood, give me a call.
This yearning for spontaneity is so poignant, because what people are really saying is, ” I yearn for the uncomplicated life that I used to have where sexuality was at my disposal 24 hours a day, rain or shine.”
You also write about how a lack of desire is a major concern for most of your clients —
Most couples, when one or both of them don’t feel incredibly horny, they think of that as something that only one of them is going to fix. “You lose weight and that will make me more horny” or “I’ll have fantasies or come up with a new position and that will make me more horny.” They don’t talk about it as a couple. The couple needs to sign up for it together — but that requires them to talk honestly about sex. Most couples would rather chew glass than talk honestly with each other about sex. They’re willing to say things like, “I wish you’d lose weight, I wish you didn’t bring work home, you’re always on the phone with your mother,” but most are not willing to say, “I used to have more desire for you than I have now, do you want to work with me to do something about that?”
Why is that? Obviously, there’s the desire to not hurt your partner’s feelings, but it also seems there’s more there.
I wouldn’t be quite so generous. I think it’s more like, “I don’t want to say these things to you because I don’t want to hear them from you.”
So, we’re afraid of having these conversations because if we start being honest with our partner, they might start being honest with us, and that might validate our deepest insecurities?
I think that’s part of it. I think people are afraid that if they start talking honestly about sex, they’re going to be opening Pandora’s box. I also think that not everybody has the vocabulary, not everybody can say exactly what they want or how they feel. A lot of people find it easier to say, “You did something wrong,” rather than to say, “Let me tell you how that felt to me.” Instead of saying, “You’re frigid” or “You’re too kinky,” you say, “I feel unattractive” or “it’s not that I don’t like oral sex, it’s just that whenever you’re going down on me I feel so exposed, I feel so foolish.” If only people would talk more about feeling foolish in bed, rather than what the other person is doing wrong. A lot of people talk about what’s wrong with sex, like sex did something wrong. When people say that in the office, I say, “Well, rather than telling me what’s wrong with sex, why don’t you tell me how you feel?”
Why is it that the typical self-help approaches don’t work when it come to sex? Why isn’t it as simply as the ten hot new moves you need to try tonight?
Let’s compare it to something else — say you want to take care of your health. What we know is that articles like “five ways to burn fat better” just don’t work. There’s a step before that and that’s creating the emotional environment in which people can take advantage of that information. For most people, the emotional environment for taking advantage of those “hot new moves” just isn’t there. People aren’t up to what moves they should do, they’re stuck thinking, “I’m afraid that if we have sex with the lights on he’s gonna think that my butt is too big.” If someone is stuck on “My penis is the most important thing that I bring to sex,” then talking to them about what to do with this finger or that hand or this foot is just pointless. But that’s what self-help books focus on constantly when it comes to sex: what to do with your body.
Obviously, there is so much bodily insecurity going around — how do you even start toward that point of feeling sexy in your own skin?
Part of it is getting the idea that it is possible to detach how you look from how you feel and that sexiness is not a product of what your body looks like from the outside, that sexiness is a product of how you feel on the inside. Part of it is acknowledging that somebody somewhere has the ability to feel sexy independent of how they look on the outside. We have to get the concept that it’s possible for some people to feel sexy based on what’s on the inside rather than what’s on the outside. From there it’s a question of a person tuning into what do I have to offer somebody else sexually, and what do I have to offer myself sexually? If a person enjoys kissing a lot, regardless of what they look like they could say to themselves, well, that’s part of what makes me sexy.
You write so much in the book about how people worry about being sexual normal. What is sexually normal?
Most people who want to know what’s sexually normal, they’re not going to use that information in a wholesome way. Most people want to know what’s sexually normal so that they can compare themselves or their mate to that standard. If I say 80 percent of 30-year-olds have oral sex at least once a month, somebody’s gonna compare themselves to that and say, “What’s wrong with me that I don’t do that?” Or they’re going to look at their mate and say, “What’s wrong with you?”
Now if you want to know what’s statistically common when it come to sex, as I say in the book, it’s that people have sex when they’re tired and when they feel self-conscious about their bodies.
Sex and Food: The World's Strangest Aphrodisiacs Through Time
Hot chocolate? The potato? Piranhas? Throughout history, humankind has persisted in the belief that some foods are linked to sex.
From the Garden of Eden to the oyster cellar bordellos of old New York, food and sex are entwined. Although every food under the sun has been touted as an aphrodisiac at some point in time, humans tend to get turned on by three categories of food: extremely expensive food, food that is risky to acquire, and food that resembles genitalia.
Rare and exotic foods have favored positions in the canon of culinary aphrodisiacs. Consider the truffle, the piranha and the labor of harvesting a plate full of sparrow tongues. Foods from far-off lands have the spicy whisper of perilous adventure, and there’s nothing quite like a hint of mystery to stimulate the imagination. For example, Aztec concubines taught the conquistadors to drink hot chocolate; when the Spaniards carried the exotic substance across the sea to Europe, they brought with it the rumor that the drink was an aphrodisiac. And during the reign of Charles I, when rice was still a luxury in Europe, noble Casanovas swore by the improbable aphrodisiac of rice boiled in milk and flavored with cinnamon.
As an ingredient becomes common, and thus cheaper, it loses its magic. Case in point: the potato. Your modern Brit is unlikely to find a plate of mashed potatoes sexually stimulating, but potatoes and sweet potatoes were hailed as aphrodisiacs when they were first introduced to the European palate; in Shakespeare’s “The Merry Wives of Windsor,” Falstaff reels off a list of the era’s aphrodisiacs: kissing comfits, snow eryngoes (the candied roots of sea holly), and potatoes. Once rare ingredients such as cinnamon, cloves, marmalade, rice and pepper have likewise lost their sexy status.
The second largest umbrella group of chewable aphrodisiacs is based on the crude logic that if something looks like your nasty bits, it’ll undoubtedly put your prospective partner in the mood. Thus, scheming Lotharios and temptresses have long relied on the amorous offering of edible flowers and roots. In the British Isles, wake robin (Arum maculatum) was once valued as a thickener for puddings, a starch for Elizabethan neck ruffs, and for its phallic bloom, which earned the plant a reputation as an aphrodisiac and spawned over 20 suggestive folk names, including Adam and Eve, lords and ladies, devils and angels, stallions and mares, and dog’s dick. On a similar note, the word “orchid” is derived from the ancient Greek word for testicle. Pliny the Elderrecommended bulbous orchid tubers as an aphrodisiac, and the Romans called orchids “satyrion” because legend had it that the phallic roots grew from the spilled semen of a satyr.
The tribes of Mexico preferred not the root but the flower. The Totonoc Indians believed that the orchid Vanilla planifolia sprang from the blood of a goddess, and the Aztecs named it tlilxochitl, or black flower. Vanilla planifolia is an inherently romantic plant: its small blossoms open in the morning and are exclusively pollinated by hummingbirds and melipone bees. The dirty-minded Conquistadors noted the pod’s resemblance to female genitalia, and gave the plant the name vanilla, which derived from the Latin for sheath. Europeans soon prized vanilla as an aphrodisiac; wild stories circulated that vanilla could transform the ordinary man into an astonishing lover. Elizabeth I is said to have been especially fond of vanilla pudding.
Oysters and clams have had a lewd reputation since history’s dawn. The Roman author Juvenal (a nasty misogynist) uses oysters to complete his portrait of a slut partying away the night: “When she knows not one member from another, eats giant oysters at midnight, pours foaming unguents into her unmixed Falernian, and drinks out of perfume-bowls, while the roof spins dizzily round, the table dances, and every light shows double!” In keeping with the Roman talent for using food to call attention to those ultimate aphrodisiacs — wealth and power — emperors and aristocrats turned their noses up at local oysters and sent away to the British Isles for a superior variety. The association between oysters and strumpets would have staying power: As Rebecca Stott points out in her book “Oyster,” “Throughout the seventeenth and eighteenth century, the woman oyster seller was used in poetry as a figure of erotic play, something like the oyster, to be consumed, part of the sensuous fruit of the street for the male urban voyeur.” In 19th century America, underground oyster saloons catered to base instincts — guests could slurp back dozens of oysters while cavorting with good-time girls and prostitutes; some of the seedier joints offered private rooms. A few decades later and a few hundred miles south, scantily clad ladies would shimmy in a popular striptease act called the oyster dance. In the 1940s, Kitty West (a cousin of Elvis Presley) danced on Bourbon street as “Evangeline the Oyster Girl”; to open her act, she stepped with aplomb from a giant half shell.
zaterdag 18 februari 2012
Why Do People Have Sex
Sexual motives greatly surpass the 'Big Three' -- love, pleasure, and making babies.
Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say "Not tonight, dear, I have a ____," but how many reasons can the two of you name for seeking sex?
One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.
From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- today's reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering "far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times." And we're doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to feel good, or because you're in love.
Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.
The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010 review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.
"Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is 'wired in' in order to promote species survival," she tells WebMD in an email. "Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be 'appropriate' reasons for having or avoiding sex."
Your partner may come up with a dozen excuses to say "Not tonight, dear, I have a ____," but how many reasons can the two of you name for seeking sex?
One? Two? Twenty? How about 200? Some college students have cited as many as 237 different reasons for having sex.
From pleasure to procreation, insecurity to inquisitiveness -- today's reasons for taking a roll in the hay seem to vary as much as the terms for the deed itself. A 2010 Sexuality & Culture review of sex motivation studies states that people are offering "far more reasons for choosing to engage in sexual activity than in former times." And we're doing it more often, too. It is a stark contrast from historical assumptions, which tend to cite only three sexual motivators: To make babies, to feel good, or because you're in love.
Today, sexual behaviors seem to have taken on many different psychological, social, cultural, even religious meanings. Yet, some sexologists say, at the most basic level, there is only one true reason people seek sex.
Wired for Sex
"We are programmed to do so. Asking why people have sex is akin to asking why we eat. Our brains are designed to motivate us toward that behavior," says Richard A. Carroll, PhD, a sex therapist and associate professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine.The idea that humans are hard-wired for sex reflects an evolutionary perspective, says Elaine Hatfield, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of that 2010 review examining sexual motives from cross-cultural, historical, and evolutionary viewpoints.
"Evolutionary theorists point out that a desire for sexual relations is 'wired in' in order to promote species survival," she tells WebMD in an email. "Cultural theorists tend to focus on the cultural and personal reasons people have (or avoid) sex. Cultures differ markedly in what are considered to be 'appropriate' reasons for having or avoiding sex."
What's Your Motive?
Why do you seek sex? Motivations generally fall into four main categories, according to psychologists at UT-Austin, who asked more than 1,500 undergraduate college students about their sexual attitudes and experiences.- Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person.
- Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status (for example, to become popular), or seek revenge.
- Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, and gratitude.
- Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or because of a feeling of duty or pressure (for example, a partner insists on having sex).
The Difference Between the Sexes
Generally speaking, men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, although they very well may also derive pleasure from the act, are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement aspects of sex. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex.- Body-centered sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel. You are not really caring about the emotions of your partner.
- Person-centered sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care about the emotions involved and the relationship.
maandag 13 februari 2012
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Her smile indicates anticipation of your adventure and the twinkle in her eyes amazes you completely.
Enjoy every inch of her beautiful, flawless young body dressed in sexy lingerie that will take your breath away. A sight that makes your heart beat faster and faster. When did you last have such a fascinating young escort model in your arms that met your expectations? Her kisses promise exciting hours of pleasure and love. Demanding and longing escort model Carmen opens herself up to you. Enjoy the "invitation" and enjoy every moment to the fullest.
If you would like to have a romantic candle light dinner with this cute escort model, then take her to an Italian or Asian restaurant. In this intimate togetherness the gentleman gets a taste of Carmen´s person and character - and you will see that she is a partner par excellence! Attentive and interested, she absorbs every word and conversation. What a stroke of luck - beautiful, funny, young and smart. An extremely captivating combination!
If you would like to have a romantic candle light dinner with this cute escort model, then take her to an Italian or Asian restaurant. In this intimate togetherness the gentleman gets a taste of Carmen´s person and character - and you will see that she is a partner par excellence! Attentive and interested, she absorbs every word and conversation. What a stroke of luck - beautiful, funny, young and smart. An extremely captivating combination!
Read more...
Her smile indicates anticipation of your adventure and the twinkle in her eyes amazes you completely.
Enjoy every inch of her beautiful, flawless young body dressed in sexy lingerie that will take your breath away. A sight that makes your heart beat faster and faster. When did you last have such a fascinating young escort model in your arms that met your expectations? Her kisses promise exciting hours of pleasure and love. Demanding and longing escort model Carmen opens herself up to you. Enjoy the "invitation" and enjoy every moment to the fullest.
If you would like to have a romantic candle light dinner with this cute escort model, then take her to an Italian or Asian restaurant. In this intimate togetherness the gentleman gets a taste of Carmen´s person and character - and you will see that she is a partner par excellence! Attentive and interested, she absorbs every word and conversation. What a stroke of luck - beautiful, funny, young and smart. An extremely captivating combination!
If you would like to have a romantic candle light dinner with this cute escort model, then take her to an Italian or Asian restaurant. In this intimate togetherness the gentleman gets a taste of Carmen´s person and character - and you will see that she is a partner par excellence! Attentive and interested, she absorbs every word and conversation. What a stroke of luck - beautiful, funny, young and smart. An extremely captivating combination!
Read more...
donderdag 26 januari 2012
How to Write an amazing sex toy revieuw
I love reading sex toy reviews. They’re a great way to discover new ways to try a toy out, and lots of them are super fun. But unfortunately, some reviewers don’t know how to make the most out their review. So here are some tips to help them out!
One of the most valuable skills for an affiliate to develop is the ability to write a toy review that is honest, compelling, accurate, and fun. After all, one of the reasons you’re an affiliate is to encourage people to click through and make a purchase, and there are some common mistakes that bloggers make that keep that from happening.
This article isn’t going to focus on how to set up a blog because we have this series of posts with plenty of tips and advice. But once you have your site, there are several things you can do to make the most of it.
Do a little research first You might think that this is obvious, but some reviewers don’t realize until after they get the sample that it won’t work for them. Of course, mistakes happen, but do a some research first. Read about the toy and think about whether it’s something you’d want to try, as well as whether it’s something that you can try.
For example, one reviewer requested an anal toy that was simply too big for comfortable use. All of our toy measurements are on the product page but they just didn’t think to check. Another reviewer got a vibrating cock ring, only to find out that her boyfriend wasn’t interested in trying it. If you’ll need to recruit a partner, check with them before you request it. We’re happy to send you goodies, but we want to know that you’ll actually use it.
Use it in lots of ways. One of the most amazing things about sex toys is the incredible creativity people bring to their experiences. As a toy reviewer, you’ll be able to connect with more readers if you do the same thing.
Using a vibrator? How is it externally? Internally? On the nipples? The clitoris? The penis? The perineum? Externally on the anus? If it’s anal-safe, how about internally? Does it work better in some positions than in others? What about after you’re already warmed up? Or with another toy? Try it without lube and with.
That’s not to suggest that you have to do things that you don’t enjoy. But the more you experiment, the more info you’ll have to share with your readers. You can also read about the toy on our website to see if there’s anything inspiring there!
Keep notes. Unless you plan to write your review right after using the toy, you might want to keep a pad and pen nearby to write down anything you notice. You might be surprised at some of the things you come up with!
Structure your review. Readers want to know what you think about the product. Disorganized posts make it hard for them to find the information they need. And while your personal experiences can be really helpful, when your post is more of an erotic story than a toy review, you might find that you’re getting fewer conversions because folks are distracted by the story.
Here’s one good framework for your post.
Preamble. Give us a bit of a teaser to get us to read the whole post. Here’s an example:
“Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes these days. I’m usually a fan of the more powerful electric options, but I was surprised at how powerful and fun this mini vibe was.”
Product Description/Features. Tell us about the toy. What’s it made out of, what are the dimensions, describe it, what other colors or sizes does it come in, what batteries does it need (if any), how does it recharge (if it’s rechargeable)? You can get a lot of this information from our web site.
Remember- features that might not work for you could be someone else’s favorite, so describe everything.
Product Performance. How did you use the toy and how did it work? This is the core of your post and will usually take up the most space. What did you like? What didn’t work? What about cleaning it?
You can give your readers both the pros and cons- we want your review to be 100% honest. But this is where you’ll be glad you took notes because you’ll be able to include the details that you might have forgotten.
If a toy didn’t work for you, say that. You can also add some suggestions for who it might be a good fit for. For example, “I’m not a big fan of buzzy vibrators, but if you want something small that offers a gentle sensation, this is worth trying.”
Avoid making sweeping statements or judging the toy. Remember that everything will work for someone and nothing works for everyone. If you want to keep your readers coming back, don’t alienate them.
Summary Remarks. Give us one or two sentences that wrap everything up. Who would this toy be good for? How might it be used? End on a positive note whenever possible.
Keep your writing general. Don’t assume anything about the gender, sexual orientation, experience level, or relationship status of your readers. You want as wide a range as possible and saying things like “Ladies, you’ll curl your man’s toes with this toy” will get in the way of that. Similarly, don’t say things like “every woman likes the rabbit!” It’s not true and will make a lot of people stop visiting your site.
Write well. This is a toy review, not Shakespeare, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful with your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. If it’s easier, write it in Word and spell-check it before copying it into your blogging software. It can be helpful to get someone else to review it for you, too.
Keep your writing simple and you can’t go too far wrong. And if you find yourself using the same words over and over, visit thesaurus.com for some new expressions.
Be accurate. You don’t need to sugarcoat your review. If a toy is too strong for you, or too big, or doesn’t fit your body, say that. At the same time, you can also offer tips for people it might work for. Note- if your experience with the toy was frustrating, wait to write your post until you’ve cooled down. Writing when you’re upset is a great way to write badly.
Learn about the toy. We have lots of info on our site about all of our products. Read about how they work, how to use them, how to clean them. As a toy reviewer, people expect you to know enough about the products to speak knowledgably. If you have questions, contact us. We’re always happy to help.
Give us some good quotes. We love to post review links on our Facebook page. It generates some excitement and gets you more traffic. And the easiest way to be one of the writers we highlight is to give us a juicy 2-3 sentence snippet we can quote. The preamble and the summary are good places for them.
Use photos and links. Try to take a photo with a contrasting background so your readers can actually see the product. Or you can right-click on the photo on our website, save it, and upload it. Make the image a link to the product page, not just to the photo. The more opportunities you give reviewers to link to our site, the more conversions you’ll get.
You can also link to our how-to pages, our product category pages (e.g. “this toy worked great with a silicone lubricant”), or to a specific product. Just be sure to add your affiliate code!
Learn a little about SEO. There’s a lot to be said about search engine optimization. If you’re just starting out, here are two tips:
Label your photos. A .jpg file with the name “Good-Vibrations-Tiny-Tickler-Vibrator.jpg” with an alt tag “Buy a Tiny Ticker Vibrator at Good Vibrations” will get more notice from search engines than simply “IMG_3872.jpg”.
Add titles to your links. Similarly, when you insert a link, give it a title. “[Product Name] from Good Vibrations”, for example.
That’s good for us because it helps the search engines recognize that you’re linking to us. But it’s also helpful for you! If you hover your mouse over a picture or a link, you’ll see that some of them will show the title. Adding descriptive titles also allow browsers to make your review more accessible to readers who are vision impaired. More of your readers will click on the links when you do that, which means more conversions for you.
If this seems like a lot, don’t get too stressed about it. Just take it one step at a time and sooner than you think, you’ll have an amazing sex toy review site!
Source: magazine.goodvibes.com (http://s.tt/15d5b)
One of the most valuable skills for an affiliate to develop is the ability to write a toy review that is honest, compelling, accurate, and fun. After all, one of the reasons you’re an affiliate is to encourage people to click through and make a purchase, and there are some common mistakes that bloggers make that keep that from happening.
This article isn’t going to focus on how to set up a blog because we have this series of posts with plenty of tips and advice. But once you have your site, there are several things you can do to make the most of it.
Do a little research first You might think that this is obvious, but some reviewers don’t realize until after they get the sample that it won’t work for them. Of course, mistakes happen, but do a some research first. Read about the toy and think about whether it’s something you’d want to try, as well as whether it’s something that you can try.
For example, one reviewer requested an anal toy that was simply too big for comfortable use. All of our toy measurements are on the product page but they just didn’t think to check. Another reviewer got a vibrating cock ring, only to find out that her boyfriend wasn’t interested in trying it. If you’ll need to recruit a partner, check with them before you request it. We’re happy to send you goodies, but we want to know that you’ll actually use it.
Use it in lots of ways. One of the most amazing things about sex toys is the incredible creativity people bring to their experiences. As a toy reviewer, you’ll be able to connect with more readers if you do the same thing.
Using a vibrator? How is it externally? Internally? On the nipples? The clitoris? The penis? The perineum? Externally on the anus? If it’s anal-safe, how about internally? Does it work better in some positions than in others? What about after you’re already warmed up? Or with another toy? Try it without lube and with.
That’s not to suggest that you have to do things that you don’t enjoy. But the more you experiment, the more info you’ll have to share with your readers. You can also read about the toy on our website to see if there’s anything inspiring there!
Keep notes. Unless you plan to write your review right after using the toy, you might want to keep a pad and pen nearby to write down anything you notice. You might be surprised at some of the things you come up with!
Structure your review. Readers want to know what you think about the product. Disorganized posts make it hard for them to find the information they need. And while your personal experiences can be really helpful, when your post is more of an erotic story than a toy review, you might find that you’re getting fewer conversions because folks are distracted by the story.
Here’s one good framework for your post.
Preamble. Give us a bit of a teaser to get us to read the whole post. Here’s an example:
“Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes these days. I’m usually a fan of the more powerful electric options, but I was surprised at how powerful and fun this mini vibe was.”
Product Description/Features. Tell us about the toy. What’s it made out of, what are the dimensions, describe it, what other colors or sizes does it come in, what batteries does it need (if any), how does it recharge (if it’s rechargeable)? You can get a lot of this information from our web site.
Remember- features that might not work for you could be someone else’s favorite, so describe everything.
Product Performance. How did you use the toy and how did it work? This is the core of your post and will usually take up the most space. What did you like? What didn’t work? What about cleaning it?
You can give your readers both the pros and cons- we want your review to be 100% honest. But this is where you’ll be glad you took notes because you’ll be able to include the details that you might have forgotten.
If a toy didn’t work for you, say that. You can also add some suggestions for who it might be a good fit for. For example, “I’m not a big fan of buzzy vibrators, but if you want something small that offers a gentle sensation, this is worth trying.”
Avoid making sweeping statements or judging the toy. Remember that everything will work for someone and nothing works for everyone. If you want to keep your readers coming back, don’t alienate them.
Summary Remarks. Give us one or two sentences that wrap everything up. Who would this toy be good for? How might it be used? End on a positive note whenever possible.
Keep your writing general. Don’t assume anything about the gender, sexual orientation, experience level, or relationship status of your readers. You want as wide a range as possible and saying things like “Ladies, you’ll curl your man’s toes with this toy” will get in the way of that. Similarly, don’t say things like “every woman likes the rabbit!” It’s not true and will make a lot of people stop visiting your site.
Write well. This is a toy review, not Shakespeare, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful with your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. If it’s easier, write it in Word and spell-check it before copying it into your blogging software. It can be helpful to get someone else to review it for you, too.
Keep your writing simple and you can’t go too far wrong. And if you find yourself using the same words over and over, visit thesaurus.com for some new expressions.
Be accurate. You don’t need to sugarcoat your review. If a toy is too strong for you, or too big, or doesn’t fit your body, say that. At the same time, you can also offer tips for people it might work for. Note- if your experience with the toy was frustrating, wait to write your post until you’ve cooled down. Writing when you’re upset is a great way to write badly.
Learn about the toy. We have lots of info on our site about all of our products. Read about how they work, how to use them, how to clean them. As a toy reviewer, people expect you to know enough about the products to speak knowledgably. If you have questions, contact us. We’re always happy to help.
Give us some good quotes. We love to post review links on our Facebook page. It generates some excitement and gets you more traffic. And the easiest way to be one of the writers we highlight is to give us a juicy 2-3 sentence snippet we can quote. The preamble and the summary are good places for them.
Use photos and links. Try to take a photo with a contrasting background so your readers can actually see the product. Or you can right-click on the photo on our website, save it, and upload it. Make the image a link to the product page, not just to the photo. The more opportunities you give reviewers to link to our site, the more conversions you’ll get.
You can also link to our how-to pages, our product category pages (e.g. “this toy worked great with a silicone lubricant”), or to a specific product. Just be sure to add your affiliate code!
Learn a little about SEO. There’s a lot to be said about search engine optimization. If you’re just starting out, here are two tips:
Label your photos. A .jpg file with the name “Good-Vibrations-Tiny-Tickler-Vibrator.jpg” with an alt tag “Buy a Tiny Ticker Vibrator at Good Vibrations” will get more notice from search engines than simply “IMG_3872.jpg”.
Add titles to your links. Similarly, when you insert a link, give it a title. “[Product Name] from Good Vibrations”, for example.
That’s good for us because it helps the search engines recognize that you’re linking to us. But it’s also helpful for you! If you hover your mouse over a picture or a link, you’ll see that some of them will show the title. Adding descriptive titles also allow browsers to make your review more accessible to readers who are vision impaired. More of your readers will click on the links when you do that, which means more conversions for you.
If this seems like a lot, don’t get too stressed about it. Just take it one step at a time and sooner than you think, you’ll have an amazing sex toy review site!
Source: magazine.goodvibes.com (http://s.tt/15d5b)
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